Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
