if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
