She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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