i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
