its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
