The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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