Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
