Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
