i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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