I am puke
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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