My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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