Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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