I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
