please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
