I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
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We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
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I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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