He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
whose parrot is this?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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