Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
