she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
