The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
