Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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