Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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