I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
third nipple confirmed
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
