there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
