I puked a lego.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
