Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
