I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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