It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
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It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
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Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.