Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.