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• (734): View more from Michigan

  Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.

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  27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Figured I'd get right to the point

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?

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  19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me

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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  I hate how she's getting mean with age

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction

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