Texts From Last Night

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  (845): View more from New York

  forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.

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  (845): forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night. http://tfl.nu/wdqe
  Replies (6) Good night (1498) Bad night (543)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.

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  (606): Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier. http://tfl.nu/kkf1
  Replies (16) Good night (1989) Bad night (615)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block

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  (302): remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block http://tfl.nu/55sp
  Replies (14) Good night (548) Bad night (1972)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.

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  (218): I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted. http://tfl.nu/x30k
  Replies (12) Good night (3948) Bad night (695)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person

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  (912): I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person http://tfl.nu/xc27
  Replies (25) Good night (8287) Bad night (707)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"

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  (514): i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon" http://tfl.nu/hj7f
  Replies (25) Good night (1130) Bad night (5577)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse

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  (781): Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse http://tfl.nu/l7qs
  Replies (46) Good night (1002) Bad night (7652)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.

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  (352): He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number. http://tfl.nu/0dku
  Replies (7) Good night (897) Bad night (4472)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations

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  (416): I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations http://tfl.nu/ujgo
  Replies (13) Good night (1028) Bad night (4846)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started

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  (847): then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started http://tfl.nu/q84m
  Replies (15) Good night (4396) Bad night (1162)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.

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  (419): The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child. http://tfl.nu/ltf5
  Replies (17) Good night (890) Bad night (2446)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.

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  (705): I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard. http://tfl.nu/825y
  Replies (2) Good night (1146) Bad night (751)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar

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  (207): My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar http://tfl.nu/m9rj
  Replies (6) Good night (1254) Bad night (496)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...

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  (602): I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion... http://tfl.nu/4785
  Replies (3) Good night (516) Bad night (959)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.

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  (763): FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth. http://tfl.nu/ynrg
  Replies (2) Good night (1182) Bad night (685)

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