You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.