if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?