Texts From Last Night

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  (757): View more from Virginia

  If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?

  (269): View more from Michigan

  Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.

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  (757): If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans? (269): Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass. http://tfl.nu/u35z
  Replies (13) Good night (2602) Bad night (905)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?

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  (616): Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma? http://tfl.nu/rtd3
  Replies (4) Good night (617) Bad night (2582)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me

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  (907): i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me http://tfl.nu/rubg
  Replies (50) Good night (1063) Bad night (3713)
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  (247): View more from

  Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.

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  (247): Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me. http://tfl.nu/wk5w
  Replies (11) Good night (1069) Bad night (4473)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...

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  (609): im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school... http://tfl.nu/h356
  Replies (13) Good night (1285) Bad night (2522)
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.

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  (575): I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time. http://tfl.nu/x351
  Replies (6) Good night (2215) Bad night (1033)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.

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  (717): he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys. http://tfl.nu/b5qg
  Replies (9) Good night (4959) Bad night (932)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"

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  (604): He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked" http://tfl.nu/v4rb
  Replies (6) Good night (1587) Bad night (692)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  sounds about right

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  (215): judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend. (609): sounds about right http://tfl.nu/kfa3
  Replies (0) Good night (1401) Bad night (510)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em

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  (360): Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em http://tfl.nu/8kd5
  Replies (3) Good night (494) Bad night (1908)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo

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  (207): I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo http://tfl.nu/r3az
  Replies (7) Good night (1641) Bad night (578)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D

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  (402): Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D http://tfl.nu/eelv
  Replies (2) Good night (742) Bad night (417)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?

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  (402): I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible? http://tfl.nu/xkkb
  Replies (5) Good night (763) Bad night (503)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed

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  (727): Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed http://tfl.nu/f4j9
  Replies (3) Good night (749) Bad night (314)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"

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  (713): If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in" http://tfl.nu/euzu
  Replies (8) Good night (625) Bad night (341)

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