he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
