If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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