What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
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Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
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I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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