I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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