I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
