it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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