God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
