Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
