I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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