I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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