I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
this boner is exhausting
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
