you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
