Swine flu. Run for my life!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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