The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
