Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
