My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
