saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize