I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
