are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
