I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
