I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
