i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
