guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
