I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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