If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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