So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
