I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
