you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
