he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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