There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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