The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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