she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
