I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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