I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
