I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
