Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
