oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
